We know from the movies that the phrase “We need to talk” should precede very serious dialogue with your loved one. But in fact, these words are damn frightening and immediately signal: now there will be something unpleasant. Therefore, the outcome of the conversation is not at all what we are counting on.
Some conversations are started to solve problems, others are an opportunity to simply speak up. In the latter case, there is nothing surprising when the partner starts with one topic, jumps to another, and the end of the conversation turns out to be in no way connected with the beginning. In the course of a conversation, there is reflection, and thoughts are confused. Such a conversation has a right to exist, just do not expect it to solve the problems that have arisen. After all, the partner in this case does not understand in any way what you want from him.
Sometimes the conversation is limited to simply stating the facts. For example: “You don’t give me time”, “You cook too rarely”, etc. It is difficult to understand what a partner should do with such information. And it's not a fact that he will come to the same conclusions as you.
Another annoying option is to realize what you wanted from the conversation only the next morning.
To prevent this from happening, do a little preparatory work. Draw up a conversation plan the day before, highlight the main theses, write down the points and highlight the accents. Imagine that you are preparing for a report. There is nothing strange about this: the relationship of two people involves daily work.
Many people like to start a conversation from afar, with protracted preambles, and most importantly leave it for last. Apparently, this is how people hope to sweeten the pill or give themselves courage.
However, this behavior is annoying, because it is not clear what information will be needed and what not, and where this whole conversation is going. Better to start with the main thing, that is, from the end. If you want to talk about your attitude towards your mother, then just start: "I would like to talk about your attitude towards my mother."
In a conversation, it is important to show sympathy and interest in the interlocutor. Ask for more information, ask questions.
Your facial expressions, timbre and tone, the way you sit can also convey your interest to your partner. Get close to the person, tilt your head slightly, look into his eyes. This will help him feel that you empathize and that his feelings are important to you.
In conversation, express the attitude "Together we can handle everything." Ask for help: "I do not understand what is happening to you (to us), help me figure it out." Make it clear to your partner that you are not rivals, but allies.
Minimize the use of negative words. And no offense. Negative and offensive words make a person defend themselves - that is, either attack or avoid the conversation.
Keep in mind that you want to solve the problem in the relationship, not get rid of the relationship itself.